YOU JUST READ THIS ON SOCIAL

“Just go for the ball.”
“Why aren’t you trying?”
“If you really cared, you’d show it.”
“Stop being lazy.”

Those aren’t observations.They’re judgments.

And they’re everywhere in youth sports.

Not because people are bad.But because the system is rushed.

THE CORE PRINCIPLE

“

You cannot demand becoming. You have to teach it.

— Alpha Leadership Academy

Performance is what shows up on the scoreboard.

Becoming is what creates the person who can handle the scoreboard.

Adults can demand performance.But becoming only grows through training, reps, and safety to learn.

When we confuse the two, we start punishing kids for not being something we never taught them how to become.

WHAT’S REALLY HAPPENING

Most coaches and parents think they’re asking for effort.

What they’re actually asking for is:• reassurance• urgency• emotional proof• visible intensity

In other words:“Show me you care in a way I recognize.”

But kids were never trained how to do that—or even what it means.

So they guess.They act.They perform.

That’s not leadership.That’s survival.

THE “GET ON THE CURB” PROBLEM

A mom yells at her child:

- “Get on the curb!”

The child keeps saying,

- “Okay, mom!”… but doesn’t move.

Finally the child asks:

- “Mom… what’s a curb?”

This happens every day in sports.

We say:

“Lead.”
“Compete.”
“Want it more.”
“Go for it.”

But we don’t explain:

what that actually looks like
how to practice it
how to fail safely while learning it

So kids don’t “become.”

They perform what they think you want to see.

What adults usually mean: talk early, direct traffic, reset teammates after mistakes. What kids often do instead: get louder, get bossy, or go silent to avoid being wrong.

WHY THE SYSTEM MAKES THIS WORSE

Here’s the truth no one wants to say out loud:

• Coaches are judged by wins.• Practices feel like tryouts.• Playing time feels scarce.• Development feels risky.• Patience feels expensive.

So practice stops being a place to learnand becomes a place to prove yourself.

That’s a terrible environment for becoming.

Coaches feel frustrated.Parents feel anxious.Kids feel exposed.

ONE LINE THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING

Say what you saw. Don’t sentence the kid.

Observation sounds like: “I noticed you hesitated going for that ball.” Judgment sounds like: “You’re not trying.” Most kids don’t stop trying because they’re lazy. They stop because they’re unsure—and afraid of being wrong again.

SO WHAT IS LEADERSHIP?

Leadership starts with:• self-awareness• self-command• consistency• humility

Those things take time.They must be trained.

If you want a team of leaders, you don’t demand leadership.

You build it—on purpose.

THE BIG LIE

“We punish what we never trained—and judge what we never explained.”